From Pigs to Polamalu

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This blog was originally titled I Hate TV… but you all know I have a deep abiding affection for alliteration (and there it is!) so I went with the one I have.

I guess because I’d had such a crazy past couple of weeks, I sort of crashed and burned last Sunday. I went to Church and came home and put on a sweat suit and plopped myself on the couch with the S.S.O. (which, in case you don’t remember, stands for “Sometimes Significant Other”) Now here’s a note about the S.S.O. :  this week, becaue of his undying and dedicated service at the Tall Ships Festival and unbounding creativity with my birthday present, he has been elevated to “M.O.T.N.S.O.”  – or “More Often Than Not Significant Other”…but let’s see how long that lasts.  The poor man puts up with me. He says I’m crazy…but I’m not so sure. He’s the one still hanging out with me.)

Anyway, we channel-surfed during the commercial breaks of the football games (I still can’t get used to watching the Giants and Jets play while I’m having coffee!) and Deargodinheaven. I can’t believe what garbage is on the boob tube! and what a perfect name that is for it! Except that I was the boob watching it!

Let’s start with the woman who takes her digestive system kite-flying, among other things. The first time I saw this ad (for a probiotic yogurt) I said to myself “What the H-E- double-L  is that?” Well, the smiley, pink fuzzy thing accompanying her and snuggling with her is her stomach and intestines. Now, I don’t know about you, but the last time I looked, my digestive system wasn’t pink and fuzzy, especially given my propensity to eat pounds of jalapeños and guzzle quarts of hot sauce. And I certainly don’t invite it to recreational activities with me. I want to say to whatever “Mad Men” created this one the same thing my kids used to say to me when I’d come out with something bizarre: “Okay, so take the crack pipe out of your mouth, Mom….” I mean, really? They had to be smoking something to come up with this totally bizarre ad!

The next ad that made me want to throw something at my TV (I hold back because I can’t afford a new one) was the one with the pig hanging out the window of a car, squealing and squealing…and squealing. It took me almost the entire commercial to figure out what it was doing and guess what? I remember the piq doing the “Weeee Weeee Weeee” thing but I could not tell you what the product is. Of course, I turned to the MOFTNSO and said “So, what happened to the one who ate roast beef and the one who had none? left by the side of the road somewhere? What kind of a carpool Mom is she?” By the way, does anyone know why a pig would eat roast beef to begin with? I thought they were vegetarians? or maybe the term is  ”herbivores.”

Next up was one for the show Hoarders. I’ve never seen the show, mostly because I’m afraid I might be on it some day. But here’s the “host” amidst I-don’t-know-what, with the Hoarder-of-the-Week, who is standing in her bathtub next to a toilet in the bathtub. He asks her, “Why is the toilet in the bathtub?” I changed the channel very quickly for fear of hearing the reason. But I did wonder why he even had to ask such a question, given the condition of the rest of the place.

But I do have to give credit where credit is due. The new Head and Shoulders Thickening Shampoo commercial featuring outstanding Pittsburgh Steelers Strong Safety, Troy Polamalu, (my grandson Anthony’s hero) was probably the best one of the day.  I think this series of shampoo commercials may be destined to become classics, much the way the Mean Joe Greene Coca-Cola one did (by the way, Polamalu did a spin-off of that one last year for Coke Zero.)

If you haven’t seen it, this new one takes place in a locker room where one of his teammates accuses #43 of borrowing his shampoo. With each back and forth of the camera during the dialogue, Polamalu denies and denies and instead of his nose getting longer and longer, his hair just gets bigger and bigger. I was rolling on the floor by the time it finished…then I read this week that Polamalu’s hair is insured by Lloyd’s of London for a cool $1,000,000. Now, who’s laughing?

This is why I hate TV. I would have written more in this blog, but tonight Law and Order: SVU debuts and I never miss an episode.

What are your favorite  – or least favorite – commercials? Please share since I hate TV.

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