Signs I Have Seen

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Is it just me, or does it seem that there are some ridiculous things appearing on billboards, bumper stickers and the like?

When I made my solo trek cross country, there were so many of these that I kept a pad on the front seat and  jotted down some of the ones I saw. No worries, much of the trip I was the only car on the road so I was no more dangerous to other drivers than I usually am. Yes, I know, you need to think about that last comment.

So, I thought for this week’s blog, I’d share with you some of my favorites:

Bumper Stickers:

“My dog is my co-pilot.” (Scary thought.)

“Save A Cow: Eat A Vegetarian.” (hmmm. “Food” for thought.)

“I had a life – but my job ate it.” (I’m sure the dog had something to do with that, too.)

“I Love Suicide Bombers. Silly idiots who blow their own heads off. Please test first with your friends at home.” (Amen to that.)

“I just spent $700,000,000,000 in bail-outs and all I got was this lousy bumper sticker.” (Hey, I didn’t even get that!)

“Don’t Worry What People Think. They Don’t Do It Very Often.” (This, sadly, is quite true.)

“You looked better on MySpace.” (Doesn’t everyone?)

“Fat people…are hard to kidnap.” (Not sure what the logic behind that one is.)

“Drinking won’t solve your problems. But passing out will.” (As long as you aren’t driving, I guess.)

Billboards:

“Vasectomies Reversed – Guaranteed Results” (yes, they call that a new baby.)

“Hidden Village Estates” (I couldn’t see them from the road.)

“Welcome to Purina Farms” (It’s a real place.)

“Foot High Pies” (Boggles the mind.)

“Lasik Surgery – only $67.” (That’s a scary thought.)

“You Got Jesus?” and my personal favorite: “Jesus is the bread of life. Without Him you are toast.”

Penalty in Missouri for hitting a road worker: “$10,000. fine and loss of license.” (I guess they don’t prosecute you for that…you just pay the fine and can’t drive anymore.)

“Visit Ozark Village! Souvenirs! Jewelry Outlet! Knives! Guns! Fudge Factory! T-shirts! Moccasins!” (The only thing they don’t have there is a casino, apparently.)

For a show in Branson: “Titanic! A Family Experience!” (Exactly what aspect makes it a “family experience?” You all go down with the ship together?)

“Free 72 oz. Steak in Amarillo!” (Another mind-boggler.)

“Christian Dude Ranch and Retreat House” (Ride and Read the Bible?)

“Conoco Post Office, Motel and RV Park” (Covers a multitude of things, doesn’t it?)

“DWI? You can’t afford it.” (Can’t even imagine.)

“Welcome to Deaf Smith.” (I guess he could read.)

“Golden Dragon Chinese Restaurant and Truck Wash.” (Okaaaaay. I hope they don’t wash the plates in the truck wash.)

“Horse Motel – Overnight or Forever.” (You don’t tell the horses that when you drop them off, I guess.)

“Ofelia’s Knife City Outlet and Truck Stop.” (Must be near the Chinese restaurant.)

“Rest Area/Hospital.” (Do you go to the ER if you need a nap?)

“11th Annual Punkin’ Chunkin’ Contest with Lunchin’” (I hope it’s not lunch made from the pumpkins that were chunked.)

“Blake’s Lotaburger” (78 locations in New Mexico alone)

“Free Petrified Wood. Dinosaur Bones. Meteorites.” (Sounds  like stuff from a movie set.)

“Mommy, Why Do People Litter?” (That’s the only “why” she’s asking her Mom? lucky Mom!)

“Touching Wires Causes Instant Death. $200. fine.” (They fine your estate?)

What have you seen that’s caused you to chuckle? Please share. I can’t be the only one seeing this sort of stuff!!

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One Response to Signs I Have Seen

  1. Kris Jones says:

    Painted on a store front window, in a really rough neighborhood (actually where I used to work) – “Beer, Ice, Ammo, Bait!” ………………..I would say that about covers it, all the necessities needed in that neighborhood.

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