The MOFTNSO (More Often Than Not Significant Other) and I participated in the 16th Annual Anaheim Nutcracker Christmas Tree Lighting and Holiday Village last Saturday. We packed up the Not-So-Ez-Up tent, all our information on the website (www.OCActiveSeniors.com), our give-aways, brochures on our travel tours and added some Christmas-y stuff to get us in the mood and participate fully in the theme of the day. It was not such a pretty morning since it even (gulp!) spritzed a little, so the crowd before noon was fairly thin. By the day’s end, when the 50 foot tree was lit, an estimated 8,000 people came through the Center Promenade. When it was slow we decided to amuse ourselves by creating a list of questions that just cannot be answered.
The idea to put into writing something so dangerous was caused by the fact that I asked MOFTNSO the worst possible question ever:
“Do I look fat in this?”
The reasons the following cannot (and should not) be answered are as follows:
1) They will end your relationship with your SO (Significant Other), or MOFTNSO in my case, and/or your spouse and/or your in-laws and maybe even your children, nieces, nephews, cousins, aunts, uncles, friends and neighbors…and the guy who sat next to you on the plane to Hawaii.
2) They will force your children into a long, painful and extremely costly therapy.
3) They could cause you bodily harm…from your spouse and/or your in-laws and maybe even your children, nieces, nephews, cousins, aunts, uncles, friends and neighbors…and the guy who sat next to you on the plane to Hawaii.
So here’s what we came up with as the unanswerable. Please feel free to add your own in the comment box below the blog.
– “Am I fatter than (that person)?” (Please note: this is allowed if you are me and are playing the “Am I Fatter Than…” game, which I created in the 1980′s when I weighed more than most NFL football players.)
– “I don’t look like that, do I?”
– “What do you think of this color on me?”
– “Did you say that about my mother/father/sister/brother/cousin/grammar school friend?”
– “Do you like dogs/cats/birds/iguanas/snakes/tarantulas?”
– “What time did you say you left work today?”
– “Is he/she better looking than me?”
– “Were you looking at her/him?”
– “Did you actually pay money for that?”
– “How does this look on me?”
– “It’s a new recipe but I substituted ingredients. How does it taste?”
– “Did you not look in the mirror today when you put that on?”
– “Didn’t you just love my nephew/niece/grandchild/cousin/uncle’s accordion playing?”
– “Don’t you think he/she is sooo talented?”
– “So, what do you think of Obama’s Healthcare plan?”
– “Isn’t that the best gift ever?”
– “Did you eat the last (something or other!)?”
– “Did you see my Barry Manilow CD’s?”
– “You will go to the kids’ recital with me, won’t you?”
– “Are you asleep?”
– “You don’t mind picking up my parents, do you?”
– “Seriously, are you going to watch that movie/TV show/video again?”
– “I think you look really good in chartreuse, don’t you?”
….and last, but most certainly not the least:
– “Does this make my butt look big?”
I hope that all of you will seriously think before you consider answering any of the above. If you act on impulse, I’m not responsible for the results. You have been duly warned!