The List of Lists

1 Response

The Oscars are this weekend.

For those of you who are only recent followers of this blog, you may want to click on this link after you read this to understand why they are so important to me.

Well, the fact that they are looming on my “TV calendar” made me start thinking of the reasons why I would not be there (obviously I am not a nominee nor was I invited.) So, on what other lists will my name probably never appear?

“Call Back” contestants for The Bachelor: I have shoes older than most of the women/girls who are trying to snag this handsome guy. I don’t watch the show, but if I had been invited to apply to be part of it, I would immediately be suspect of a rich and extremely good-looking man who cannot land his own soulmate.

People Magazine’s Sexiest People: Really, do I need to comment on that one? I am 61 years old, I spend quality time every four weeks with Elfa, my amazing hairstylist, who somehow manages to get my hair to the right color and hide the grey that insistently sneaks up from the roots.

America’s Best-Dressed List: Unless they create one that would have a category for those who work-at-home and only wear sweats, work-out clothes or other things they wouldn’t dare be seen in in public, that’s another no-brainer.

Grammy Nominees:  Now, I realize I’ve missed the boat on this one this year, but that would be true of any year. Not only do I make up my own words to songs, but I also have actually had people move away from me when I sing in Church.

Finalists on American Idol:  See above.  

Any Category of Nobel Prize: Unless the Committee added something for either ”sense of humor” or ”ability to feed people large quantitities of food whether they want it or not” I will not be looking into flights to Stockholm.

America’s Most Wanted: Luckily, John Walsh has no reason to search me out, so I guess that would be a goood thing.

People To Be Watched: The title of this sort of  creeps me out. Now I understand that these are up-and-comers, but the very thought that someone would be watching me? well, that puts more effort on me not to drip food all over myself in public places, try really hard not to do a faceplant somewhere in the open, not to mention actually putting real clothes on every time I leave my home. (Refer back to the best-dressed list.)

Wealthiest Women in the World:  Oprah has nothing to fear from me. But then again, if we are talking wealth in other ways, like love and the gift of friendship that I am already so rich in then…I think there’s a pretty good chance I’d have a crack at getting on that one.

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One Response to The List of Lists

  1. Elfa Mason says:

    Love the blog ” List Of Lists” very interesting. i think we are going to make it to the oscar next year because we will be famous. we might even be seating next to Oprah.

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