Silly Suburbia

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I like to google things. Doesn’t everyone?

The other day I googled whether the post office was closed or not since I still have my sister’s Christmas present in the front seat of Black Beauty. Fortunately, it’s not a plant or anything living because…well…you get the picture. I’m a little behind on stuff. Maybe she’ll think it’s for next Christmas.

So, in the process of this “search” I somehow came across a list of ridiculous names for towns in the United States. Don’t ask me how that happened, but it did.

I have to tell you that it confirmed both my best and worst fears: that we are a nation of reallllly creative (and quite possibly also slightly insane) people…and that a lot of the nutty part of the populace are responsible for naming towns and municipalities.

Let me run just a few of these by you…the actual list had literally thousands of names…but I try to always keep my blogs under 1000 words.

Having arrived on the left coast only four years ago from New Jersey, I thought I’d share with  you a few from my former home state first…some of these I knew and even have visited but I was a little shocked to find some of these others. But if I lived in one of these towns, I’d keep quiet about it, too:  Loveladies (which is actually quite lovely), Dogs Corner, Jumbo, Foul Rift, Shell Pile and Skin Corner all are located in the Garden State (but the only Garden City I know is in New York.) Lo and behold, there is even a Timbuctoo, New Jersey! So when my mother would tell me to pipe down because people could hear me from “…here to Timbuctoo…” she actually meant somewhere across the Hudson River from New York City…and now I realize that may actually have been possible…sort of.

Now for California…oh, boy…someone once said to me (and I do love my adopted state!) that California happened when they shook the country to the left and all the loose nuts and bolts landed here. Judging from some of these dots you’ll find on the map of the Golden State…they may be right. So, how would you like to live in Hell, Helltown or Hellhole Palms, CA? It could be worse, because you might have wound up in Flea Valley, Fort Dick or Dunmovin…and there is also the option to become a resident of Convict Lake, Scarface or Robbers Creek where the principal business in each is, no doubt,  the sale and installation of burglar alarms. But if you want to not worry, then pack up your belongings and head over to Reefer City, which may or may not be near Relief and could possibly only be a “stoned” throw from Skyhigh, California.

Then just to give a sort of “round up” of some of the other truly hilarious names found nationwide…you could be from Hopeulikit, Georgia,  Knockemstiff, Ohio, Spunky Puddle, Ohio, Frankenstein, Missouri or even Horneytown, North Carolina.

I am a little “off” at times mentally, so perhaps I should move to one of the Looneyvilles which are found in Minnesota, New York, Texas and West Virginia.

But if you are not quite done with the holiday season and wish it were all year round how about packing your bags and heading to Christmas, Florida, Christmas Cove, Maine, Christmas City, Utah, Christmas Valley, Oregon, Christmasville, Tennessee, Santa Claus, Georgia, Santa, Idaho, Eggnog, Utah, Tannenbaum, Arkansas or North Pole, Alaska?

How about having to tell people you were born and raised in either Deadhorse, Alaska or Monkey’s Eyebrow, Kentucky?  I didn’t even know that monkeys have eyebrows!

Well at least I’m not a native of Tightwad, Missouri…and I had to wonder if you were from Crapo, Maryland would you be called a native crapper?

All in all, I am very happy to say that my life has never been Boring…which is a town in Oregon.

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