Evil Elves

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How many times have you “saved” something on your computer and then go to find it and it is absolutely nowhere?

I’m convinced that there is a whole tribe of evil ”Desktop Elves” that live somewhere in the hard drive and every so often they get “under the influence” and in the midst of their partying wreak havoc on every file you have. What do you think that noise is you hear when your hard drive is booting up? that sort of whining/groaning? It’s the elves, who are probably hung over and have no interest in helping you out when you have to do something.

I think they are employed by Apple, in a highly classified espionage plot to win anyone away from a Windows platform. I personally am sort of stuck in the middle ages of Windows, since I refused to upgrade to Vista and certainly not Windows 7 and stick it out with my cranky XP.

XP and its browser Explorer and I get along okay for the most part but every so often (oh, say six or seven times a day) it just decides it’s done, throws a little hissy fit and crashes. After much pounding on the control, alt, delete keys (which are now worn out so they read “Ct”, “A” and “Del” from being used so much) it resurfaces in a little grey box and apologetically says “Your browser closed unexpectedly. Would you like to restore the last session?” Well, my answer is always a resounding “NO!” because it undoubtedly will crash again. So let’s just kiss and make up and start over again.

I believe that I have cursed at my computer more times than I have ever cursed at any one or any thing in my 62.5 years on earth. And believe me, I’ve had some occasions where ”expletives deleted” have slid from my tongue like a soliloquy from Shakespeare.

Then there’s the whole issue of “Error Reports” … I once calculated that Microsoft gets roughly 23 trillion error reports a year. And I sincerely think that is an underestimation since I probably  personally account for about a trillion just on my two-year-old PC. I repeat what I said then: “If we all keep filing these error reports, why in the name of all that is holy, can’t they fix them???”

I also have a Mac book. I like my Mac book; it is light and I use it mostly when I travel. It is very cooperative when I need to do something graphically and it has never once asked me for an error report. In fact, it is extremely polite and will always ask me if I am sure I want to do something. It always has a clean bill of health since it is immune to viruses and guess what? it doesn’t groan and whine when I turn it on. It just makes some pleasant chiming noise and in a matter of seconds, everything is there, just where I left it the last time I used it. It even helps me find stuff that I worked on a few days ago. My Mac book does practically everything but bring me a cup of coffee.

Yet, I stubbornly stick with the PC.

So, today I’m doing a little research. I’m going to find a support group for the Elves so they can clean up their act and stop wreaking havoc on my operating system. I’ll save it to my desktop under a different name so they won’t know about it until I’ve got them there.

But first, it’s off to take Black Beauty for a bath. That’s right. She’s an automobile…and it’s called “Going to the car wash.”

And I spend entirely too much time fantasizing about things that aren’t really people. Maybe I need a support group for me.

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