In my never-ending quest to find that happy balance between being extremely fat and just pleasantly plump (or “chubby” as MOTNSO – “More Often Than Not Significant Other” - likes to call me), I tend to read many articles about food. In fact, should you check the piles of magazines in my home, you would find that more of them have something to do with food than don’t. Except for People, which I am currently behind about six issues (I only recently learned that JLo and Marc Anthony are no longer together)…and even that magazine I tend to rip out the recipes in the back.
So I was perusing the internet the other day looking for a recipe for something and an article caught my eye that could be a dream come true for many of those I know to be sugar-addicted.
Actually, I am probably the only one whom I know who is sugar-addicted, but there’s always hope there are others out there.
It seems that Krispy Kreme, in celebration of its 75th anniversary, is hitting the road in an attempt to “Glaze the Nation.” I’m not sure exactly what that means, but I’m hoping they come down the 5 and visit Dana Point. They are planning stops in 37 states, mostly at fairs and festivals. They started out on the cross-country jaunt on February 23rd, in a restored 1960′s bus…complete with GPS so fans can track it in real time. I thought this was really neat and I remembered how excited I was when I first saw the Oscar Meyer Weiner-mobile. I know, I need to get a life. But nevertheless, I’m going to follow their journey west and if I can snag a photo op with the bus you can bet it will find its way into my blog.
Well from Krispy Kremes I somehow found a list of really funny foods. I am not sure how that happened either, but in my usual surfing of the net for interesting things to cook I happened on it, complete with photos. There were too many to put in here so I’m just giving you sort of a “Hideous Highlights” version.
For your edification and amusement, I present some of what I found…and yes, they really do all exist:
Powdered peanut butter – reminds me of that famous Stephen Wright quip “Someone gave me instant water, but I don’t know what to add.”
Pickle juice ice pops – maybe that explains those cranky looks on some old people?
Canned cheeseburgers – why?
Diet chocolate fudge soda – that seems a little incongruous, no?
Pork brains with milk gravy – you wouldn’t believe what the label looked like…I actually put my hand over my mouth because it caused me to gag.
Perky Jerky – apparently this is just loaded with a variety of peppers and it will keep you up. So will coffee and it tastes better to me.
Bacon Mints – this I would have expected to find at last year’s OC County Fair.
Smoked Rattlesnake – as far as I’m concerned, the only good rattlesnake is a smoked rattlesnake.
Spicy microwave pork rinds – I’m not sure what puzzles me more about this: the fact that someone would want to microwave pork rinds, or the fact that they would want spicy ones.
Buffalo Wing Soda – it is orange. What a surprise.
Candwich Sandwich: Peanut Butter and Jelly in a can – now, I thought this was sort of clever. Some of my grandchildren like “Uncrustables” the frozen peanut butter and jelly sandwiches…but the thought of a five year old trying to open a can for a PB&J? I just didn’t see it.
Canned whole chicken with chicken broth (but no giblets or neck) – I guess after they stuck a whole chicken in there, there wasn’t any room for anything else.
Roast Beef Bubble Gum – this is another “why?”
Cajun Style Alligator – this didn’t seem at all unusual to me since I’ve actually had alligator. It tastes like chicken. I am told so does rattlesnake. Suppose the chicken in the can is really rattlesnake? wouldn’t that scare the bejesus out of someone expecting to find a bird!
and, last but not least, a jerky substitute: Jerquee…I didn’t realize that one needed to have a substitute for jerky.
Please feel free to share any oddities you have come across in the world of food. The Ex would say I’ve created some in our refrigerator. More than once we’d pull some “colorful” and quite “furry” dish from the back of the fridge and we’d play the “Do-you-remember-what-this-was” game. But it was never anything I could sell…unless you wanted to become seriously sick to your stomach.