MOTNSO (“More Often Than Not Significant Other”) was perusing the newspaper the other day when he announced off-handedly that the Rolling Stones were getting ready to tour again.
Mick Jagger is almost 69 years old.
Now, you would think that someone who created a website for people who are “seniors in age only” would find this wonderful news. But it poses the question: “When is old too old?”
I am of the opinion that even though we are “active” and do lots of things, there are some things that should not be done after a certain age.
One of them is being a rock star and continuing to tour. The only exception to this rule is Bruce Springsteen because a) he is a Jersey Boy and b) he is exactly the same age as I am. Our birthdays are only days apart.
Now, I have been a Stones fan since I was in my teens, although I was always more partial to The Beatles. Mick is a Grandpa. I loved my Grandpa and I remember when he was 69 years old. My Grandpa (and for that matter, anyone else’s Grandpa of that era) would never wear skin tight pants and jump around on a stage, flashing his tongue, screaming out oldies and ending a performance with a barrage of fireworks.
Grandpa was happy sitting in front of the TV with a beer and watching Ed Sullivan…although he never did “get” Elvis or The Beatles.
Maybe I like “The Boss” better than Jagger because he still addresses things that matter. He is the epitome of “Too busy to grow old gracefully” as far as I’m concerned…he works at staying trim and being creative. He is a family man. He still tours and appeals now to three generations of fans. He just released yet another album. (Are they still called “albums?” or am I now dating myself?)
I’m not sure that the Stones have recorded anything new in decades. If you visit their website they recently announced that they are creating a documentary about their “…50 year career.” That alone is scary. I also learned there that Bob Dylan is 70…but he just looks scary.
So, now that I have beaten up The Rolling Stones and sung the praises of Springsteen, I’d like to share a succinct list of other things for which ”active seniors” are too old.
In most cases, seniors should not wear bikinis. Especially men. There are, of course, exceptions to that rule, but they are exactly that: exceptions. No offense to them, but I have no friends in their 60′s who rival Christie Brinkley (who is 58) and not even Carmen Dell’Orefice, who at 80, is the oldest working model (she started out at 15 on the cover of Vogue.)
In line with that, also give up on the mini-skirts. Knees take on an ugliness (and a life all their own) as you get on the upside of 50. Keep ‘em covered. Along with the stretch marks. Both men and women have those.
You are too old to drive a flashy sports car if you have to hang a handicapped tag on the rear-view mirror. I can’t tell you how many yellow Corvettes, red Porsches and metallic black Jaguars I have seen in the “blue-lined” spots in parking lots with the little wheel-chair thing-y visible in the windshield.
Lastly, rethink getting drunk at bars and trying to pick up people the age of your children. Really? I’ve seen it. It’s not pretty. Nor are the people doing it.
It’s okay to act your age…as long as you don’t lie about it!
… and I am only a little over 16. I mean 62.