Goofy Gifts

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There’s been a bit of a hubub (is that really a word? hubub?) in the news this week because Angelina Jolie has given her new fiancé (but “old” father of their children) a helicopter as a gift.

I mean, really?

It cost $1.5 million…which I guess is a “steal”…if you need to buy a whirly bird. Apparently the Jolie-Pitt’s have just built a landing pad at their home in France. No doubt they are hoping that learning to fly this won’t be too far a leap from piloting a plane, which reportedly is one of the husband-to-be’s skills. Of course, you may remember his infamous difficulties with the $100,000 motorcycle she gave him…couldn’t even get the thing to start, much to the delight of the paparazzi…so I am fearful that this may be a flying fiasco.

Well, in my own inimitable way, that got me to thinking about other goofy gifts people have given each other, so I did some research.

Of course, the ones that make the news are usually what one celebrity has given another. So for your amusement, as well as this week’s blog, I present the following:

In the realm of flying machines (or “air” as a sub-topic here), you may recall that Tom Cruise gave his then new bride a $20 million customized Gulfstream jet, with the hope that she would learn to share his love of flying. Apparently it only gets used when his jet is down for repairs. Mrs. Cruise, when questioned about the gift, reportedly said “It’s like a bus, but faster.” There is no truth to the rumor that she does brain surgery when she’s not buying high heels for six-year-old Suri.

It’s old news that Katy Perry and Russell Brand are newlyweds now newly divorced. However, no one knows who will get the $200,000 ticket to fly into outer space aboard the Virgin Galactic SpaceShip Two that Katy gifted the shaggy comedian on the occasion of his 35th birthday. (FYI, the airship will take passengers 365,000 feet in the air where they can gaze down upon Mother Earth and experience weightlessness)

That covers “air”…now how about “water?”

On a talk show, Kelly Rowland (a member of Destiny’s Child) accidentally outed the sex of her dear friend Beyonce’s baby prior to Ivy Blue’s arrival. She felt sooo terrible about it that she commissioned a pink, crystal-encrusted baby bath tub as a pre-birth gift, costing the singing star a cool $5,200. It weighed 300 pounds (considerably more than a newborn!) and took more than two months of the designer gluing each crystal by hand to create it.  No doubt next time she’ll keep her mouth shut…as well as her wallet. But I have to admit, it posed the question as to how someone would fill this thing and where it would be placed to bathe baby? I would guess where ever it was placed is where it will stay for some time!

Yet another favorite ”water” story (really a blast from the past) was the $2 million bath tub that Mike Tyson gave his first wife, Robin Givens. The Tysons lived for a short time not far from me in New Jersey and The Champ used to frequent a coffee shop across from my office…He’d go hide there when the Mrs. called the police because he was acting crazy. But, don’t you think buying a $2 million bath tub might have been an indication that he already had some trouble in the “attic” and not the bathroom?

That covers “water”…now on to gifts of the “earth.”

David Beckham followed up his present of an $8 million Bulgari necklace as a Valentine’s gift to his wife, Victoria, by purchasing an entire vineyard for her two years later to celebrate February 14th. Well, I guess that’s what you give someone who has just about everything!

Now, I’ve gotten to what I personally would like someone to hand me. I don’t think this falls into any of the three categories of air, water and earth. But it can still be considered very much “green.”

“Birdman,” the head of Cash Money Records, presented his protegé and star artist, ”Lil Wayne,” a Luis Vuitton briefcase filled with $1 million in cash. That left him speechless, which is no small feat for a rapper. Just in case you, like me, weren’t a guest at that  birthday party and didn’t know this, there was also an ice sculpture filled with $100. bills.

When I read about that I wondered if my tongue would get stuck on it if I started licking it to get to that green the same way Ralphie’s friend, Flick, (of A Christmas Story) takes a triple-dog dare and licks the frozen flagpole. I still cringe when someone so much as mentions that famous scene.

Truth be told? The best presents I ever got were ones my kids made and I still have pretty much every single one of them. Even the dice-shaped pencil holder my now 40 year old son made in wood shop in middle school. Even better? the ones the grandkids have made. I used to have a little plaque (which sadly broke in the move west) that read:

“Grandchildren are God’s reward for not having killed your OWN children.”

Now, they are the best gifts. And sometimes they really are goofy! But in a fun way!


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2 Responses to Goofy Gifts

  1. Joan says:

    Enjoyable reading as always

  2. P. J. OUELLETTE says:

    My mother says the best gift she ever received was her grandson! BTW, he is very goofy!

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