The Do’s and Don’ts at Doheny

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This last weekend OC Active Seniors had a booth at the Doheny Blues Festival in Dana Point, which offers a fabulous weekend of music. We do a lot of these type of events, but this was the biggest one so far this year. 20,000 people show up over the two days, which this year were headlined by Gregg Allmann, Steve Miller and Buddy Guy.

20,000 people. I think I met 10,000 of them in one way or another. Sometimes there were 5,000 of them just on line at the Ladies Room. But what really struck me was how different everyone was. I guess it’s been awhile since I’ve been in a group this large; even my Italian family doesn’t rival that many folks.

By far the largest demographic was Baby Boomers. And some of them were in their 60′s…and I don’t mean their age, I mean the 1960′s.

I can’t tell you how many overweight men (who still wear a size 34 pants/shorts under their belly while above their belly they are a 44) were in psychedelic t-shirts, or wife beaters or just something they definitely should not have been wearing. Long hair in pony tails is not really cool anymore, especially if you are totally grey. Facial hair? Well, that’s okay as long as you don’t look like ZZ Topp or you just stepped off a Harley when I saw you get out of your white mini-van.

The women, for the most part, weren’t trying to re-capture their youth…although there was an unusually high number who were trying to re-capture the body they had when they were 20-something.

Let me offer a piece of advice here and it comes from someone who has spent a lifetime trying to camouflage my huge number of figure flaws.

There are some things you should absolutely never wear after menopause has wreaked havoc on what was once your curvy, well-proportioned form. I’m giving the short list here, since I do try to keep my blogs under 1,000 words. Those sparkly, bangled kerchief type things that you can wear around your waist or around your shoulders? Ladies, once you are past 36 inch hips, do not draw attention to anything below your waist.

Speaking of below your waist, please wear a bra. You are singularly unattractive, no matter what you think you see in your mirror, when you wear a sun dress with spaghetti straps, or even worse, a tube top without supportive under-garments. You also run the risk of accidentally belting in your boobs should you decide that you need that around your waist instead of/in addition to the spangly thing.

Also, I still do not understand why someone would wear a black peek-a-boo back while sporting a white bra, clearly visible, underneath. Spring for the matching color, please, although I do give you props for wearing underwear at all.

Then there were the kissers. OMG. Folks, it is absolutely frightening to see people who are probably grandparents groping each other in broad daylight. Get a room! PLEASE!

Tattoos? Where do I begin?

Although I must say that I do not object to tattoos.  MOTNSO (“More Often Than Not Significant Other”) and The Ex and both have small, tasteful tattoos. That’s okay. I personally have dabbled with the idea but since I tend to grow scar tissue I’ve backed away from that. I can’t imagine what a butterfly would look like on my skin all bumpy and raised.

Again, this goes back to drawing attention to one’s less-than-perfect body. Why is it that the fattest, sloppiest people seem to have the most skin covered with ink? I saw one man who obviously thought that rattlesnake done in his youth would have stayed that size but by the time he hit his middle age, the rattler had become a python. A record-breaking sized python…and it wasn’t pretty…but it was scary.

I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to say to someone “Puhleease!!! Put a shirt on!” As MOTNSO so aptly put it when observing one partially dressed, out-of-shape reveler “No shirt, no chest…much nausea!”

Besides really enjoying the music, I also got a huge kick out of some of the t-shirts people were wearing. I must say that whoever is writing slogans for T-shirts these days has a gift for printed gab. I’ll just give you a couple because I could have filled up a notebook with what I saw.

One of my favorites was “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” I liked that. Then there was the guy who had emblazoned across his chest “Meat is Murder” then in smaller letters underneath: “…hot, delicious murder.” I think my absolute favorite however was one worn by a man who could have been the late Jerry Garcia’s twin. His read “I may be old, but I got to see all the cool bands.” No doubt he did. And is still doing that.

We were not only really tired by the end of the two days but also partially deaf. I do have to admit, however, when Steve Miller sang Space Cowboy and The Joker to close out the Festival, I knew all the words, sang along aloud in my own off-key voice and for a brief few moments, I was 20-something again…but was wearing appropriate underwear and clothing for a person who hasn’t seen 20-something in 40-something years.

*SIGH*

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One Response to The Do’s and Don’ts at Doheny

  1. Joan says:

    Great great blog. Totally loved it.

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