Machines and I don’t really get along. I’ve tried to understand them, really. My Dad was an engineer and he could (and at 92, still does) fix pretty much anything. Me, I’m not so good at fixing and not so good at even figuring out what’s wrong.
Sometimes I think a machine senses that it’s me and just refuses to cooperate.
Take, for example, my Keurig coffee-maker. This is the latest in a long line of appliances/electronics to dislike me. Yes, this is the very machine that cost me $30,000. since I decided to use mileage points rather than purchase the thing with a 20% off coupon from Bed, Bath and Beyond. A truly “DUH!” moment in my life.
I am usually desperate for coffee in the morning. It always seems that the more desperate I am, the more finicky the machine is.
It is always set up the night before with my mug, my flavored coffee du jour, the two sweeteners, all ready to go. I even have the timer set to come on and heat up the water before I am even awake so all it needs is the push of the “Brew” button.
Lately, it has not been cooperating. It gets all excited, rumbles and groans and then nothing but a hiss. I’ve cleaned it just recently and I usually treat it with the utmost respect and kindness. I could not live without coffee so I very much care about this machine.
However, I admit that I have taken to smacking the bejesus out of it when it won’t produce.
My theory is that there’s an air bubble in the pump stem. Now, mind you, I have NO idea if there is even such a thing as a “pump stem” but it seems logical that that’s what is causing the non-production of coffee. So, I bang it on top, I shake it – at first gently – but with every moment that I am without my coffee I become more agitated and my bangs and shakes become more vehement. It fights back by splashing water at me and continuing to growl.
Now, here’s the killer.
As soon as I get my car keys to go out to buy a cup of coffee somewhere and just as I am opening the front door I hear it “release” and pour that liquid gold into my still-waiting coffee cup.
I swear it just knows.
Is it possible for a coffee maker to be possessed? And if it is, who do I call to “exorcise” it? Juan Valdez?