Those of you who read this blog faithfully know that I am a bit of a klutz. Correction. I am a major klutz. I have frequently recorded in these posts varying degrees of faceplants, wardrobe malfunctions and of course, my ability to leave a food establishment with take-out…not in a box, but on my clothes.
Well, I started thinking about that this week as a result of yet another one of those episodes in my life (the number of which are growing by leaps and bounds…or perhaps I should say by “eeeks and bounces?”). I’ve decided to call these “Awkward Accidents.”
One evening this week I was at a friend’s home where there was a very sleek, ultra modern, glass topped coffee table in front of the couch. Beautiful polished hardwood “waves” and shiny chrome columns supported the thick plate top and there were a number of “coffee table books” on the shelf under it as well as on top of it.
Well, as I went to seat myself on the sofa I somehow bumped hard into the side, causing the table to lean heavily and then crash to the hardwood floor. I had my back to it when I bumped it and I had no idea what would be waiting for me as I slowly turned to survey the havoc I had unwittingly just wreaked. Fortunately, the glass was still intact but there were books alllll over the place. Almost as if they ran for their lives. The table was lying on its side, looking like a horse that had just been shot.
My friend came running out of the kitchen as I hurriedly started picking up things the whole time apologizing for my inadvertent mishap. Together we got the thing righted again and an errant leg, which unbeknownst to me had been giving its owner problems, was replaced. I dodged a bullet with that one…I could have been writing a sizeable check for a replacement piece of furniture.
I don’t only knock over furniture in my state of clumsiness. I’ve also knocked over people.
Last summer, in my very first month as a board member with the HOA (Home Owners’ Association) in my community, I joined the landscape committee for “rounds” to check out the progress of various projects we had going.
I had my usual flip flops on and met up with the group down by the tennis courts. When it came time to set off on our route, I somehow tripped over some invisible obstacle in my path and managed to tackle and knock to the ground our young, quite pretty and petite property manager. I was mortified and was sure I had killed her.
I am twice her size and twice her age. My catastrophic crash caused my fellow committee members to jump to help untangle us and she could not have been more gracious as she picked the grass and flower petals from her hair and brushed off her light-colored pants that now bore some grass stains. To make me feel better she told me she’d been a gymnast so she knew how to “land” when this happened. I very much appreciated her kind comments, but I felt compelled to tell her that I had played football with my son and his friends and I, therefore, knew how to tackle. Needless to say, I’ve noticed she’s more often behind me when we go for those walks. Can’t say I blame her!
One of my worst fiascos occurred in Singapore at the airport there. We arrived totally exhausted having been delayed because of a blizzard in New York and had been travelling for three days. I was stumbling along the corridor at the airport dragging my wheeled carry-on on behind me. When I got to the moving walkway I somehow hooked it around one of the stanchions that marked the walkway’s beginning. Down I went, still clutching the handle which was hanging on for dear life to the shiny stainless pole.
Down also went the two people behind me…and then the two people behind them.
All the time I was trying to stand up on the moving belt which was an impossible feat. I had created an international people-pile up. Finally some big burly German gentleman who was on the flight with us reached down and grabbing me under my arms, dragged me off, still clutching the handle of my errant bag. I was bruised but not battered…but I’m not sure how the other passengers involved fared since they ran off muttering to themselves in several different languages. I did recognize a couple of curse words in there, though.
So, what accidents have you caused, or narrowly escaped? Hopefully none of yours was a near “international incident.”