Never-Never Land

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This is not a blog about Tinkerbell and Peter Pan.  It’s a blog about things that will never happen. At least not to me, or by me.

I don’t know where I got this idea but I seem to remember that it came in a dream. Lately I’ve been having some truly bizarre episodes at night. Like when I woke up and screamed because I thought there was a Storm Trooper from Star Wars standing next to the bed.

But, I digress. As I usually do.

So, here’s the thing…I am usually a very positive person. I always like to look at the bright side of everything and keep moving forward. But it hit me right between the eyes that as I dig deeper into middle age I may not get to do or be some of the things that I thought I would or could.

Hence, the title. All of these things fall into the category of “Never-Never Land.”

It is extremely unlikely that I will ever jump out of an airplane. But that’s okay, because I can now ride in glass elevators and on ferris wheels, which are two things I had a really hard time doing for a long time. Frankly, I never really wanted to jump out of an airplane anyway.

I will never be a model for Victoria’s Secret. Not unless they design some product for women who have everything sagging everywhere and I am “discovered” to be the perfect person to model this new type of lingerie.

It’s a pretty strong probability that I won’t ever be part of a rodeo. Especially since I haven’t even been horseback riding in probably 30 years. This wasn’t really high up on the list of things I wanted to do, but it was floating around there somewhere in my subconscious, along with being a Circus clown. But one of my daughters has an extraordinary fear of clowns, so that wasn’t going to ever happen anyway. Who wants her kid to be afraid of her?

You will never find me running a marathon. I thought for awhile that I could get in good enough shape to at least do a 5k and then the bigger dream would be to not be challenged anymore by the 5k so I’d move up to a 10k and then a half marathon and then the whole marathon shebang. I can’t walk more than a few miles now, so getting “in shape” for anything more than a moderately strenuous hike is definitely out of the question.

I have absolutely  no hope of ever being on Top Chef or Chopped. That’s because I most certainly don’t own a restaurant and let’s face it, I’m not even a chef. Lately the most exotic thing I’ve cooked is homemade chili (homemade meaning not straight out of a can, but still using a pre-packaged mix.)

I’ve always wanted to drive a race car. Now, I know that there are places you can go and pay to do this, but they are very expensive. I considered it on my last visit to Las Vegas (which is one of those places that you can do this sort of thing) but it was several hundred dollars for just three laps around a course and it just wasn’t in my budget…especially since my budget included only playing the penny slot  machines and quitting when my loss totaled $5.00. You’d be surprised at how long you can play before losing a fin. Except that the biggest jackpot you will ever get (and it does set off the bells and whistles!) is for like $2.50. Tough to get excited about that. It doesn’t even buy a glass of wine in Sin City.

Lastly, I will probably never be President of the United States. This was on my list when I was young (say, six or seven years old?) because I truly believed that I could do anything. Then I grew up. Things change. But one thing that hasn’t changed is the fact that there are still dozens of things on my bucket list that I will be able to do. Like ziplining instead of sky-diving. Walking a mile on the Great Wall of China instead of running in a marathon. Driving cross-country again and this time stopping to see the Biggest Ball of Twine and the 5 pound Angus steak instead of covering the whole width of the USA in three short days. Those are all things that can be found in “Someday Land”…and God-willing, I’ll get to visit that place…and I won’t even need Tinkerbell.

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